I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
