This is not my ceiling
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
