Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
