Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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