whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
