I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
