thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
