highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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