My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
