I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
