if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
