So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
