Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
