my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
nutella sex= disaster
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
