my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
