My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
