Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize