yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
