I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
