then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
