Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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