I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
