I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
