Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
