Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
