So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
