You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
