I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
