I CAN MOONWALK!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
