i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
