We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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