she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
