you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
