That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
