It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
