Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
