Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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