You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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