How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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