Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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