Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
