i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
