yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
