Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
