Tell her she can't have a vagina
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
