Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my being single is dangerous.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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