I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
3pm strippers are depressing
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
