people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
