What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
