I just made out with a guy for $7.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so let's talk penis.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
