At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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