i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can I color on your dick again?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
