how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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