Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
