I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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