he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
