Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
