Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
