so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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