vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
